While visiting Syracuse University, I met a graduate student who turned out to be one of the most fascinating individuals who I had ever met, and one of the strongest in terms of her survival skills.
Kayleen ( no last name will be used here ) has gone through the trauma of an absentee and allegedly alcoholic birth father, ( her mother later re-married ) a two year battle with anorexia, the rigorous physical demands of gymnastics training at the level of national qualifying for the United States team, and to add to that, the not so unusual transition through the teen years, where mean spirited girls become quite cruel to other girls who they feel threatened by, for whatever reason, and also dealing with all kinds of insecurities of their own. Kayleen also was diagnosed with symptoms that are usually associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, in which she experienced repeated nightmares about her father, which she recalls as being very frightening, as well as panic attacks.
Incredibly, Kayleen has overcome all these extreme difficulties, completed an undergraduate degree at Wells College, “ the hardest academic school you could ever attend”, Kayleen said, in Aurora, New York, and is now in graduate studies at Syracuse, hoping to become a writer and director. To look at her, you would never know that she had ever had any major health or emotional troubles. She is still in very good shape, and is a vey attractive woman.
Imagine a young girl having to sort all of this out, and while training at the highest levels of women’s gymnastics, has to commute from Syracuse to Rochester, a one hour drive each way, to train at an elite gymnastics school, and after training for most of the evening, doing homework in the car while wearing a headlamp for light, while her mother drives the two hour total journey, several times a week. Anyone who has even followed gymnastics casually, knows that the instructors can be very demanding, and tough on their athletes. Kayleen recalls hearing the comments that she had a bad attitude, and the instructors making fun of her feet, at a time when she was trying to sort out the troubles of her absentee father, and her mom’s second husband,who wanted to adopt her. That’s a lot to deal with.
Kayleen’s mother had to work two jobs in the early days, so life was not easy for the two of them. With the personal demons her natural father was living with, Kayleen recalled him telling her at one stage, “ You ruined my life.” On top of that, she had very little contact with him from the time she was in the 8th grade, right through grade 11.
Her battle with anorexia in particular, coping with the mean high school girls, and her troubled father, is where you really have to admire how this incredibly strong woman, managed to forge ahead in the right direction, and not drown in her distress.
So what does Kayleen say are the keys to overcoming anorexia, in which her weight dropped to 90 pounds by the time she was 16 ? She says her disorder arose out of a feeling that for years, no one was listening to her, and she wasn’t being noticed or recognized. She was always being told what to do in gymnastics, and when she gave up gymnastics in her senior year of high school for track and field, she was resented by the girls who were on the team longer than she was. Kayleen would get very little positive attention for her solid abilities in that endeavour, aside from the catty behaviour of the other girls on the track team. The absence of any kind of a relationship with her dad, was obviously another aggravating factor in all of this.
Kayleen explained that she felt helpless, due to the overwhelming sense of being insignificant in her own life, as well as the fact that her father’s issues, along with her devotion to competitive gymnastics, left her “empty and feeling like a hollow shell”. This caused her to drift into a situation where not eating became almost “like a game”, and an escape from what was lacking in her life. It also gave her something else to focus on, in that it became a competitive event, to see how long she could function without eating. Even when she was feeling the pains of hunger, with her being a highly competitive athlete, Kayleen wanted to push herself to the absolute limit of her endurance, just like she had done in every athletic activity, even as she knew the starvation was taking a toll on her body. She also explained that the anorexia became “like a friend, to occupy my time”. Kayleen had already observed that she was losing noticeable amounts of hair, which is one of the symptoms of anorexia, and results from the lack of nutrition. She later realized that another two or three months of this same kind of self imposed hunger strike, would have begun damaging her heart, which is what took the life of outstanding recording artist, Karen Carpenter, in 1983, after her battle with anorexia, at a time when very little was known about this serious disorder.
Kayleen advises any parent who suspects that their child may be battling anorexia, that they need to establish lines of communication with their daughter, and not allow themselves to be manipulated into accepting rationalizations from the youngster, as to why they are not eating. Kayleen says she tried to be manipulative with her mother, but her mom was too smart to be fooled by any of those attempts by her to avoid the real issue. Ultimately, Kayleen suggests that the anorexic patient has to eventually come to their own conclusions about eating. Until that happens, they wont get past this dangerous disorder.
Kayleen also adds that for those girls going through this, they need to know that it’s ok for them to have whatever emotions they have inside, and that they try and move beyond their problems, by realizing what they have learned from this struggle, and what can be salvaged from the tough times. She encourages those stricken with Anorexia “ to share their stories with others, and to keep moving on with the rest of their lives.”
If you want to contact Kayleen pertaining to Anorexia, she would be interested in communicating with those who want to get information or advice. You can send a message through Professor Rick Roosevelt Wright Jr., at the Newhouse School Of Public Communications,of Syracuse University. Dr.Wright’s email address is: rrwright@syr.edu